Job Description

We all know what job descriptions are. Personally I know them blindfolded in about 4 languages.😭 

The tasks (more or less) - The skills (very precise) - The qualities (more or less) - The offer (often very vague)

I was musing one evening: What if I were to put a lover or friend job ad? What would that look like?🤔

When it comes to the professional sphere (any and all of it) we're all forced to be pretty meticulous. In our private sphere, we can chill and be "less than". We can fail to reach many expectations because "hey, what's there to lose?"🤷🏼‍♀️

I've always found it rather ironic how easy it is to force compliance to a set of rules and expectations using money and power. When there isn't a master-slave context...it's easy come easy go. 🤞

But, let's cut to the chase since this is meant to be a more fun, tongue in cheek sort of post:  

FRIEND REQUIRED! (almost 100% copy-pasted from a field sales LinkedIn job post)

Tasks: 

• Build a strong relationship through regular communication and addressing your friend's needs while representing yourself in a ‘positive’ way.
• Act as the first point of contact with existing friends in the region, answer incoming calls and increase friend satisfaction by linking contacts to strengthen all existing friendships.
• Provide practical and moral support to retain your friend.
• Help improve friendship performance by suggesting new contacts, activities and social solutions in order to maximize friend satisfaction.
• Promote new ideas and concepts to existing friends.

Skills:

• I'm looking for someone who has a valid driver's license and knows how to hit the road...or train...!
• You are open-minded and can come up with creative ideas.
• You have good time management skills with problem-solving ability and a want-to-do attitude.
• You have a good understanding of values and principles and the ability to deliver excellent loyalty.
• You have excellent (verbal and written) communication skills.
• You have effective presentation skills.
• Fluent in more than one language.

Benefits:

•  Give and take!
• 🌱 Certified spot in my life with supportive philosophy and practices to ensure we are one happy pack.
• 🏔 Joint retreats to meet each other in person.
• 👩‍💻 Flexibility for long distance friendship.
• 🧆Unlimited attention! 
• 🌟Volunteer help to contribute to a cause you believe in.
• 🧠Wellbeing mindset and a holistic approach to your needs.
• 🏝️ Several days a year private companionship.
• 🍿 Team activities (your friend is my friend and vice versa.).
• 🔋 Learning opportunities in a truly open-minded environment that will give you extensive responsibility but also guidance as you need it.

LOVER REQUIRED! (almost 100% copy-pasted from a talent acquisition LinkedIn job post)

Tasks: 

• We start with a coffee, tea - or a drink - and talk.
• Then, we share some personal details using creative options (Instagram, TikTok, ...)
• We give each other a call and set up future dates.
• We present our story, listen to our specific situation and arrange further meetings.
• Then there is close-up, we match and act upon our desires.
• Finally we commit to future projects - this is what we do! - and start working again on new and fresh ideas.
• To relax we take part in joint activities or party sessions together - with accompanying plans for future fun & games!

Skills:

• You're preferably educated; how makes no difference to me!
• Experience is a plus (not a must)! I am thinking humour, intellect, confidence. Everyone is welcome!
• Your friends and family describe you as very committed, friendly, communicative...but you're also a damned clever person when you have to be!
• You like to network, listen, advise...In other words, you like to talk and have fun!
• You have a strong dose of perseverance because this won't be an easy ride: you want to finish it!

Benefits:

• You get an attractive financial package with numerous fringe benefits such as love and care and sexual satisfaction.
• You will be living in a stimulating, pleasant and open-minded environment with room to realize your own ideas or plans.
• You get personal assistance from a full-time lover who will assist you to be the best version of you!
• You are more than welcome to my circle of friends, family... and more!
• You can easily access your work, hobbies and passions from my key location. Of course you can also stay where you are!

I do indeed wonder, how would Tinder/Bumble (et. al.) look if it were more like LinkedIn ?😎

More challenging I dare say! 😁